The Surprising Appeal of Having Just a Few Friends

New research reveals how more friends may not always be better.

1. Consider the number of friends you have and how you think this makes you look. If the

number of friends you have grows, do you become more appealing to other people as a

possible friend? Or do you become less appealing? If you were to take a wild guess,

what would you say?

2. Now let’s flip this question around: If you could choose between someone who has a

slew of friends or someone who has a handful of friends, which person would you rather

have as a friend?

3. A team of researchers explored these questions in a series of studies, and their results

highlight an intriguing contradiction between what we assume will make us more

inviting as a friend and what we actually like better in others.

4. In both online and real-world situations, the investigators found that we have a

propensity to presume that we’ll seem more appealing to other people if we have more

friends, but when it comes to what we want in a friend, we tend to lean toward people

with a somewhat smaller number of friends. They termed this the “friend number

paradox.”

5. Why does this inconsistency happen? Why would we seem to apply different standards

to ourselves than others? The primary explanation the researchers put forward is that

we humans tend to have a self-concerned viewpoint that leads us to assume that others

will rate us as a potential friend in the same way we rate ourselves.

6. In other words, because we anticipate that we’ll seem more appealing to people if we

have more friends, we project that notion onto others and assume they’ll assess us in

the same manner. Moreover, when we’re thinking about what we wish for in a friend,

we’re more inclined to want a connection with someone who can put more effort into

cultivating and nurturing a friendship and who is available to spend time together.

7. As the investigators pointed out, someone with comparatively more friends is not going

to be able to put as much of themselves into any one friendship, and we're apt to take

that into account and favor people with a somewhat smaller number of friends.

8. That being said, the researchers also noted that there could be other possible reasons

why there’s an incongruity between how many friends we think people want us to have

versus the number of friends we want our friends to have. As an illustration, we might

opt for people with a comparatively smaller circle of friends because we’re anxious about 

being socially shunned.

9. Alternatively, perhaps we think we’ll have greater social standing if our friends have a

more limited number of friends than we do. Or, we might want to see ourselves in a

favorable light and so we zero in on how a larger group of friends may make us look

good, setting aside our awareness that a buddy with a larger network of friends isn’t

necessarily what we’re looking for.

10. Notwithstanding these other potential underlying reasons, the investigators found

evidence that we generally assume that other people will like us more if we have

somewhat more friends, and that we disregard the fact that others tend to feel the same

way we do and are also inclined to pursue friendships with people who have a

comparably smaller group of friends.

11. Accordingly, as the researchers mentioned, if we try to make it seem as though we’ve

got an abundance of friends in an effort to boost our appeal, we may actually be

sabotaging the very goal we’re trying to achieve. So if you have a smaller circle of

friends and feel self-conscious about it, or if you think you need to project a different

image, you might want to consider the possibility that you actually have more friend

appeal than you realize.

Vocabulary

1. a slew of

2. propensity

3. inconsistency

4. incongruity

5. see ~ in a favorable light

6. zero in on

7. underlying

8. you might want to consider

【Understanding】

(1) What is the difference between “shinrin-yoku” and “forest therapy”?

(2) Why did “shinrin-yoku” start in Japan?

(3) How do natural tree oils called phytoncides influence our bodies?

(4) It is difficult to find forest therapists in Hokkaido. So how can we enjoy forest

therapy?

【Discussion】

(1) This article introduces benefits of connecting with nature. Then, what are demerits

of spending much time in nature, do you think?

(2) No part of Japan is under a coronavirus state of emergency, and this winter is coming

to the end in Hokkaido. If you don’t mind, please let us share what you are planning

to do after winter.

(3) The government is promoting the policy of two regional residence as a new lifestyle,

this is that while you live in an urban area for work, also live in a countryside every

weekend or a specific period of time in order to enjoy activities. If you were given a

chance to become “a resident of two regions,” where do you want to live other than

the current place?